When couples going through a contentious divorce are deciding how to divide their property, they sometimes end up fighting to keep items they don’t need or want just to keep their soon-to-be ex from “winning.” Unfortunately, that competition can sometimes extend to their children’s belongings.
Divorcing parents often ask what the rules are around how their children’s possessions are split. The primary rule that child behavioral professionals advocate for is remembering that a child’s possessions are theirs. They don’t belong to the parents. That means they should be able to use or play with them regardless of which home they’re in, since a child’s home extends across both properties (assuming parents share custody).
Who purchased an item is irrelevant
Too often, parents focus on which one of them bought an individual toy, piece of clothing or other item – particularly if it’s expensive. They might think it’s only fair that their child doesn’t keep it at their co-parent’s home. Conversely, a parent might prohibit their child from bringing items purchased by their ex to their home. Either of these attitudes will likely add to a child’s anxiety over the divorce and fear of making one or both parents angry or sad.
Practically speaking, a child can’t lug a dollhouse, train set or other large item between homes. Some items will likely need to remain in one place. If a child is old enough to have a say, the decision should be theirs. If they aren’t, parents need to reach an agreement based on what’s best for their child.
Children should, if possible, have fully furnished and decorated bedrooms and bathrooms in both homes, along with clothing essentials and other relatively inexpensive items. They shouldn’t feel like they’re packing up their lives whenever they transition between parents.
The same is true for future gifts
An unselfish attitude toward children’s belongings should carry over past the divorce into birthday, holiday and other gifts in the future. Children shouldn’t be told they must keep a gift from one parent in that parent’s home or that they can’t bring it to their other parent’s home.
By taking your child’s belongings out of the mix, you have more time and energy to focus on dividing more valuable assets like investments, retirement accounts, real estate and vehicles. Having experienced legal guidance can help you work toward a fair property division agreement that will help you and your child move forward into the next phase of your lives.